Lucky and loving number 13

Today is my 13th wedding anniversary. Lucky number 13.

Our wedding day was so hot! It actually rained that morning and I was so worried that our day would be ruined. D (my wonderful hubby) and I fought all week. I know it was probably cold feet presenting itself in arguments, but it was a beautiful day. We went out to breakfast at a great place called Farmer’s Inn. I ordered my favorite grilled sunflower toast and was so nervous that I just picked at it. While my hair was in curlers, I walked around, practiced my vows and prayed that God would settle my nerves and give me peace. In an absolute miracle, by the time it was time to start, I was so excited! We had our wedding outside at our church campground where it all started. We set up a beautiful aisle way with a table and flowers. It looked great! (And super low budget) I finally started my journey down the aisle with my dad, about halfway down the way, I picked up my step dad, so they both walked me the rest of the way.

Right about the time however that I picked up my stepdad, I realized that I had a bug crawling up my leg! I have no idea how I got through it all without dancing a jig to get the beast off me! Maybe the beauty and serenity of the situation kept me in check or I didn’t want to embarrass myself, either way I made it to my groom.

As I think about that day and remember the silliness of the mishaps and the beauty of our life on display for our friends and family, I have a hard time remembering the actual ceremony, especially our vows! We did the traditional, but we also painstakingly wrote our own. How could these words not be written on the fabric of my heart? They are promises to each other before God! So as I’m looking back on 13 years, I started to wonder how we are doing keeping those promises. The traditional ones are tough enough let alone adding our own, after all. As I examine myself, I know I have work to do, but as I examine our marriage, I have to say how proud I am of us.

The traditional vows that we spoke go something like:

I, Kala, take you, Derrick, to be my lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health from this day forward as long as we both shall live.

Such beautiful words and they still make me teary.

We’ve definitely had the “for better”. Three beautiful children, traveling all over together, and so so much more. For worse? We’ve had some of those, too, but we’ve stuck by each other even in moments we had no idea how we’d face the next day. For richer? We’ve had many rich days. God has blessed us with so much, the monetary, the spiritual, and everything in between. For poorer? When we first got married, we literally had nothing. We moved to England with everything we owned in a single crate. It still amazes me how far we’ve come. In sickness, he has definitely given me a few scares, but let me tell you how glad I am at how he’s been there for me. Through difficult pregnancies especially, he’s been my rock.

For my own vows, when I wrote them I prayed that God would be pleased with what I promised and that He would help me to keep them. I look over them now and I’m amazed at how God has worked in my life to keep the vows fresh in my spirit even if I couldn’t remember well enough to recite them.

I promise to love you more than even I understand.

You know, even in the bad times, when I was so hurt, I would actually think, “Why do I still love him? Why can’t I just walk away?” The only answer I can even think is God’s preservation. I know my flesh is weak, but by the grace of God our love has survived so much.

I promised that through trials and tribulations I would fight for our life together and never give up on him.

Let me tell you, there were so many times I wanted to give up, but I know that God was comforting me and bringing us back together. At our lowest point, God told me that it was okay to leave. Biblically, I had the right, but He also told me that if I endured He would give me the greatest desires of my heart for our relationship. So I KNOW that God’s hand is on my marriage, and not just mine but any that will allow him to move through it.

I promised to follow D with all my heart wherever God may lead us. So through England, Vegas, and Kansas, I have loved our adventure so far, and can’t wait to see what else is in store.

I promised to nurture and care for our family with every ounce of my strength. That may be true and it is exhausting at times, but it truly is a labor of love. I look at our house, our jobs, our beautiful children and can’t help but think, how did these 2 kids get here?

It really is amazing what God can do with our lives.

I promised to believe in us, support my husband, and help guide our lives to the best of my ability. This is where you get into the trenches of marriage. Loving someone often means telling them your opinion even when it’s difficult, rocking the boat to get something toxic out, supporting and trusting the other person because that is what God called you to do despite your own nerves.

Marriage is an amazingly beautiful, scary, fun, infuriating, wonderful journey. One of the best illustrations I’ve ever heard for this journey is a song called “Tightrope” from The Greatest Showman. The line, “It’s all an adventure that come with a breathtaking view, walking the tightrope with you.” gets me everytime.

So if you are a young person, know that marriage is so worth it. It is not just a piece of paper. You learn so much about each other and most importantly, you learn so much about the personhood of God through it.

If you are already married, believe in each other and your relationship. Please don’t ever stop working on it and striving to love each other well.

And D, my wonderful husband if you are reading this, thank you for everything. When I was little, I wanted love, adventure, and a life that was extraordinary. You are my greatest adventure, you are the love of my life, and what we have is extraordinary. You are my best friend. Anything that happens, good or bad, you are the first that I go to and I love that. You are my forever crush! Every inch of you is beautiful to me and I thank God you’re mine. I love you! Here’s to lucky 13 and counting.